my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
