I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
