i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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