I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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