The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize