I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
