No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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