i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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