yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
