Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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