I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
