mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The power of my boobs compel you
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
