i permit you to call me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
