Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
