apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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