Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
