no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
