NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
