I smell stomach acid.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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