careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
