I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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