you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
