Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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