there were more penises there than on chat roulette
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
