I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
