I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
