My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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