She went from zero to smokin in five shots
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
