so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
