She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
