there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
