So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
