Do you still have your period?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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