I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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