cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
