its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
