I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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