KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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