Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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