areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
