I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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