I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
