FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
