Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
