ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
operation have a gay friend backfired
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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