Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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