why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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