I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You may now shotgun with the bride
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
