id be glad to
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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