that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
