i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
