I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
