I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize