I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
