Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize