The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
