she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
