im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
