My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
