So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
COCAINE IS GR8
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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