Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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