I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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