4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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