considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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