Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
