Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
