So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
