We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
