Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
where are my eyebrows?
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