Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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