Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Rumble strips road head = magical
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
