i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
